J.S. Park: Question: Hopeless, Heartless, and Hanging By A Thread

jspark3000:

Anonymous asked:

Sir, I like how real you are. I’m hanging by a thread on to this Christian life. Jesus is great but I can’t imagine what He’d want to do with someone who just doesn’t love Him and, honestly, doesn’t want to obey Him. I tried to live for Him but it feels like slavery. I’m not as good and okay as everyone around me thinks I am. I’m lonely, fed up and I wish I could start my life over where I’m not hanging on to Him only because I’m scared of dying, facing God and fire. Is there any hope for me?

Dear beloved friend,

Want to know a huge secret?

Ready?

Every single Christian in all the history of the world, even the “best” of us, have sometimes felt completely apart from God.

Here’s where you’re at and why it’s okay and where we can go from here.

1) You don’t want to love Him and obey Him. BUT: The Bible actually says this is our default mode of brokenness, our human condition called sin.  So you’re simply being honest about who we all are.

2) You tried to live for Him and it feels like slavery. BUT: Maybe the Christian life isn’t about a begrudging obligation to a set of laws.  Maybe it’s a growing realization that God absolutely loves you regardless of your performance, and that it’s our response to say “I love you too” which makes us crazy in the best way possible to be able to follow Him — just as love makes us crazy for our loved ones.  Maybe it really is a relationship, and not simply receiving instructions in a church service.

3) You think you’re not as good and okay as everyone thinks you are. BUT: I don’t know anyone who thinks they’re as good as everyone thinks they are.  It’s an illogical proposition that’s a devil’s lie, which falls apart quickly.  A little honesty from you about who you are will fix it immediately.  And it’s unfair for anyone to hold you on a pedestal of moral perfection.  If they do, it’s their problem, not yours.

4) You’re lonely.  BUT: Loneliness is a thick fog that we all walk through occasionally, even when we socialize and have tons of friends.  It will hurt, but it comes and goes: so don’t let it anchor your reality.  You’re also not really alone. You’re not the only one who feels like the only one, and also: God.

5) You wish you could start over. BUT: You have today.  You have right now, this moment, this step.  It’s never too late, and that’s not some postcard platitude.  People with even less time than you, less abilities, and less physical aptitude have lived amazing stories.  It can start this very second.  We all wish we could hit a reset button sometimes, but the best reset is to move forward. 

6) You’re following God because you’re scared of the afterlife. BUT: Let’s be real on this one — it’s certainly okay to acknowledge the wrath of God at some point in your faith-journey.  So many people turn a blind eye to the reality of Hell that it grieves me how much we sugarcoat such a serious truth.  Your fear (and my fear) of Hell is not a wrong response. 

Yet the Christian life is a relationship with a Heavenly Father who has way more for us than fire insurance.  When we come to know Him, our fear always gives way to His perfect love (1 John 4:18).  He has for us an intimate joy that moves us so far beyond the fear that it pales in comparison to the rich realness we have with Him. 

Just think: we’re not friends with our friends because we’re scared of consequences.  We have friendships because of the joy of intimacy, the freedom of vulnerability, and the mutual exchange of life.  So it is with God.

Dear friend: There is hope for you yet. God is sovereign and He’s still in the business of rescuing people, polishing their hearts, loving them to a better place, and simply enjoying them for who they are. God not only loves you, but He likes you — just as much as a dad loves His kids and wants to play with them.  He completely understands your struggle more profoundly than you could know, for He became one of us.

I know this won’t solve everything in a day.  But so long as a sliver of faith — a mustard seed — is sown into His goodness, you can make it one more step.  You are, as I’ve said so many times, a work of progress in a process.  We are looking towards the work finished, Jesus.

There is nothing you could do to change God’s mind about you: and it’s then His unchanging heart that will change you.  Believe it.  Enter it. Bask in it.

I love you and I’m praying for you.

— J.S.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

— Psalm 42:5

“You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again.”

— C.S. Lewis

Unka Glen: The secret sauce on starting a small group

unkaglen:

more-than-a-piece asked: Hey Unka! Just wanted to ask you if you have any advice about how to start up ministering to high school girls, like maybe how to go about it? What exactly to talk about and how far to go with it? Would be immensely appreciated!! Again thank you! I truly love and learn from everything you post :D 

Unka Glen answered: When you’re starting a new ministry, you should do as little talking as possible, and as much listening as possible. All too often people think of ministry as one person saying smart things, and everyone else around being blown away. That’s not really how it works. 

So we start with the premise that the Holy Spirit is drawing everyone to Himself, and we all feel that pull, on one level or another, but we spend a lot of our lives stuck on one obstacle or another. So ministry is all about helping people to overcome those obstacles, so that the relationship can move forward. That’s simple.

The complicated part is the obstacles themselves. If they were easy to figure out and overcome, we’d be over them already. We’ve already figured out the Bible part of all these problems, (and so have they) because that part is utterly simple. For example, if a young lady says she’s struggling with anger towards a friend who has betrayed her trust, we all know that the biblical answer is forgiveness.

So, you think, I’ll just tell her to forgive the friend, because this is, after all, the correct answer. Her response will be to tell you, “I just can’t”. She’s stuck, you see. So you think, I need a gimmick that will kind of trick her into forgiving her friend. So you invent some brilliant “exercise” that will do the job. And then that will fail, and then you’ll realize, hey, we never really spent any time talking about the actual obstacle itself. 

We need to investigate what makes it hard to forgive someone. That means you don’t need to think of the most amazing lesson on forgiveness (she already knows she needs to forgive her friend, I mean, c’mon), what you need to think of are good questions that are designed to get her to work through this obstacle, and find her own way to the forgiveness.

I might ask questions like these:

• What does it feel like when someone lets you down?
• Why do we rehearse the anger the way we do?
• How does betrayal make us feel about ourselves?

Then, once they do the work to figure out the nature of the problem, you can come in with some verses about how, let’s say, Jesus was betrayed. And how did that make Him feel? And do we betray Jesus too? And now what do we think about forgiving this other person, knowing that Jesus forgave us when we didn’t deserve it?

You see, we’re starting with honesty, authenticity, and getting some understanding going, without judgement. We then investigate and pull apart how this problem actually works. And only then can we know what simple biblical principle needs to be applied. 

When it comes to ministry, the less dependent they are on you the better. You want to teach them to break things down for themselves, ask questions of themselves, and learn how apply the Word for themselves as much as possible. You’re always doing your best ministry when you’re putting yourself out of a job.

'Your Church Is Too Small...'

fafdriscoll:

Deep darkness is punctuated by the flash of a thousand cameras; rumbling bass rattles through my bones. Throughout the arena I can hear the burbling, surging, building crescendo of music ready to e…

I personally haven’t been to anything Hillsong but I was hopeful, then saddened during the article.

FROM LEE IN TENNESSEE: Q&A... On Watching Someone Walk Away From The Lord

leeyounger:

entrahelife asked:

Hey Lee! I was looking for some advice about one of my students.  One of the girls I work with has become like a sister to me. This girl a freaking rockstar. This girl gets it. But recently she’s been goin through a tough season. She’s gotten pretty jaded and a bit of a rebellious attitude towards anything church related. I love this girl with everything in me and I see where God wants to take her and how she’s drifting away from that. I know I can’t give her more help than she’s willing to take and generally don’t offer advice without being asked but I’m a little worried about her. She’s going to public school next year for the first time and her older sister went down the same path and never found her way back. I love her like crazy and just want to be as helpful as I can. (edited for length)

..

So I Said:

Hey Sidney. Welcome to my life - and welcome to ministry. It sucks watching people fall away from the Lord, especially when you really love them and really feel that connection to them. It’s heartbreaking to watch them drink from the shallow well when the Living Water is right there for the taking.

You’re so right about so many things you said - this is a very normal season for a person to go through and no, you can’t make her choose the right path. It may be that your friend hasn’t been prepared to walk in the world, but has been sheltered from it. Sometimes parents and church people lay down rules, limitations and punishments on young folks so that they don’t go too far out there, and they’re hoping that these measures will keep them walking with the Lord, but Jesus doesn’t want something manufactured like that. Jesus wants real, loving relationships, not fake and forced play dates. Not only that, but our hearts don’t want false relationships either. We want the real thing. That’s why so many good little church kids go bananas the first time they get invited to a party - turns out they never really knew Jesus. Also, very soon, these kids are going to be grown people who can do whatever in the world they want to, no matter what anyone says, so regulations are a bad idea all around. 

If this girl is going to walk away from the Lord, you need to let her do it. I know that sounds awful and it goes against your instincts, but it’s true. Not only do you need to let her do it, but you need to let her know that you’re not stressed about that or down on her about it. If she’s headed out, you can’t stop her, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything. Buckle up, because I’m about to tell you the super-secret, ultra classified ministry special sauce…

It’s time for you to plant a ministry time bomb. What I mean is, before you watch this kid go hog wild with the Lord, take her out for dinner, buy her food, laugh about stuff and then, when the door is open, plant the bomb. Look into this girl’s eyes and tell her, “I love you. I love you so much it’s ridiculous. Nothing in this world will ever change the way I feel about you. No matter what you do or who you become, I will always love you deeply from the heart. I know you’re walking away from Jesus right now, and I want you to know that if you ever need me, you have my number. If you need me to come pick you up at a shelter in Tuscon and bring you home, I will. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. I am not judging you, and I will always feel honored to play whatever role in your life I can.”

Tick, tick, tick… the bomb is planted. Now, who knows when it’ll go off? It may be in three weeks and it may be in ten years, but if you keep loving that girl and showing that non-judgmental and sincere affection, it will go off one day, and guess who she’s going to call? You. The reason that bomb will go off is that nothing in this world actually satisfies but Jesus. Whatever she tries won’t work and if she’s honest, she’s going to want what you have. That leads me to the last part of the ministry time bomb, which is that you need to just keep loving Jesus with all you’ve got. Live a life that other people want to have. Love Him and let it show. If your friend is honest, she’s going to want what you have way more than anything this world has to offer. 

..

ASK ME A QUESTION

No one ever taught me what to do in this situation … the time bomb =P

J.S. Park: Question: Regrets About Wasted Time

jspark3000:

Anonymous asked:

How do you overcome the wasted time and regret that comes with depression? God is in the process of healing me, but I look back and see the damage that depression has done: my mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health; friendships and relationships, my family, my academic career. People say stuff like it’s not wasted time because God is growing something deeper in you, but the fact is a lot of time HAS been wasted. Nothing will ever bring back those years. How do you grapple with that?

I’ve struggled with depression since forever, so I’m right there with you.  I know what it’s like to think of those “fogged out” patches of life and mourn over why we couldn’t have just done better.

But please, dear friend: you really can’t beat yourself up about this. 

Let’s think through what you’re asking.  There are always some questions that will lead to a “Gotcha.”

For example:

- Do you ever think you could’ve tried harder?

- Have you ever been happier than now?

- Do you feel like no one understands?

- Is there more you could be doing?

I hope you see what I’m doing.  The answer to all these is, “Of course bro.”  If I ask, “Do you feel like you have regrets over wasted time?” — then nine out of ten people will scream YES and overthink and start wallowing in self-pity.  These questions will almost never have satisfactory answers.

This mind-bomb already condemns you before asking. 

It’s a technique used by New Age, Scientology, pop psychologists, and the preacher who doesn’t know better.  It sets up an angst in your soul so you have to buy-the-book or go-to-the-conference or jump-through-these-hoops.

No more of these questions, all right?  We’re done with that.

The thing is: You can’t really make up for lost time.  If you try to compensate for what’s behind you, you won’t be able to look ahead.  It’s like starting a race from negative two laps.  This is a losing game, and the only way to win is to admit loss and start over.

When I first learned how to drive, I had a bad habit of looking in the rearview mirror all the time. My dad would tell me: Don’t worry about the car behind you.  That’s their job.  You look straight ahead.

Sounds like something Jesus said: Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

I’m not telling you to never look in the rearview.  I’m saying: We can’t live our lives looking both forward and backward at the same time.  

It’s okay to feel regret, but this can’t be the determining axis on your story.  There is a time to mourn, but there’s also a time to stand again.

You know this already, yet the devil’s lie in this whole thing is that you can somehow “repay” the hurt you’ve done. But the truth of Jesus is that he left Heaven to die and rise for the very regrets that you’re facing. 

As much as you might not feel this now, God has already preempted your every failure and disobedience and misstep with grace upon grace upon grace.  This means that even the “lost time” is in God’s hands, and it’s somehow being transformed into a good that we cannot comprehend.  But that’s all the more reason we move forward and pursue Christ, not less.  That’s even more reason to get the help you need, to seek forgiveness, repair relationships, rebuild community, and gain trust again. 

None of this will be easy, but it won’t be any easier if you keep looking over your shoulder.

Today, simply declare bankruptcy on your old life.  Begin again with Christ.

Right now, God has already gone ahead of you with all grace and is ready to accomplish amazing things through you.  He offers Himself, which is already enough. Hold onto His grace and cast off anything else that impedes.  We don’t get many second chances in the world, but we always have a second chance with Christ. 

“Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done.”

— C.S. Lewis

— J.S.

don’t cry over spilt milk just like how we shouldn’t worry about tomorrow, and just run the race for the prize, while building up each other in love

J.S. Park: Question: Fighting Off That Stress

jspark3000:

Anonymous asked:

Hello! How are you doing? I wanna say, thanks for answering people’s questions and concerns on here. I was wondering how you deal with stress. I’ve been more stressed lately than I have been in a while, and it’s starting to affect me physically. I’m continuously praying because the effects are scaring me, and I’ve already set up a doctor’s appointment. If you have any tips on dealing with stress and trusting God through it, I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks, and God bless!

 

Thanks for the awesome question and for your very kind words.

You know, I’ve heard plenty of teaching on stress and I’m a Psych major, so mostly I hear the same thing: “Are you stressed? Well, stop it.”

But I know that doesn’t help. It also doesn’t help to try that same technique on anger, lust, greed, jealousy, grief, or loneliness. It’s like trying to stop a bus with your body weight.

The other thing I hear is, “If you really knew the peace of Christ, you wouldn’t be stressed out.” I wish it was that simple. Even when Jesus and I are most tight, I still get anxious like crazy.

The thing is: Stress is completely unavoidable. I think people tend to get stressed about getting stressed, as if somehow they “shouldn’t be if they’re in Christ.” But with all the demands, deadlines, and due dates of life, it’s completely understandable that you’d feel an anxiety about what needs to be done and what is not done.

That’s just life. Half the battle of fighting stress is to simply anticipate your bodily changes and to recognize what is happening. That’s true with temptation, with conflict, with fear of the future. To be able to say, “Here it is. The pressure’s on. Body is freaking out, right on time.” And then the other half of the battle is to move forward anyway.

 

There is plenty of practical stuff I could say here. You probably already know about —

- To-Do Lists

- to have some kind of a written planner

- to have a mentor or an understanding friend

- to find stress-relieving activities like exercise or drawing or skydiving or sword-fighting

— to prioritize your tasks with what’s most time-sensitive (do stuff that’s due soon now, don’t do stuff now that’s due later)

— to not look at tasks from left to right, but front to back (because a stack of dominos left to right will psychologically overwhelm you, but from front to back means you take care of things one at a time like a deck of cards)

— and to foster good habits like taking a scheduled break or jogging the same time everyday or using mouthwash (because good habits foster other good habits).

Yet even all these only reduce the stress – you’ll still need to push forward with the task at hand. The cool thing though is that very act of starting your priorities will undo a lot of the anxiety, because the human mind releases tension as it moves forward into tangible action. That’s a lot of fancy talk to say: Start anywhere, but just start.

 

About prayer: You’re totally right to pray, and even “secular prayer” or a time of meditation is known to have positive effects on the body. But prayer, as we all know, is hardly a fix-all or genie or magical potion. That’s not even the point of it.

What I would also pray about is asking God “WHY.” Why am I doing this right now? Why is this so important to me? Why am I stressing about this?

I know that sounds overly existential, but I believe when you spend time with questions of why, you’ll be able to 1) re-affirm your purpose in Christ to move forward with God’s call on your life and 2) downgrade things that are not so important in your life.

There are TONS of stuff we do that have no other point besides routine or indulgence or extra layers, which we could all cut from our life with little loss. Knowing where to say NO will cut unnecessary stress.

To name some examples: Christians sometimes write daily in a journal, as if this is just as important as reading the Bible. But “journaling” is not for everyone, and if it stresses you out, don’t do it. Sometimes we make a huge deal about making our bed perfect, or studying every scribble of lecture notes for the exam, or knowing someone’s whereabouts at all times, or being a Nazi whenever someone is late to a meeting or praise team practice or worship service.

Prayer can help you sort through these things to see what’s critical in light of eternity. The longer you spend in, “Our Father, who is in Heaven, hallowed be your name …” then the more your relationship with God and with people will take the main stage in your heart.

 

A last thing: As I said before, stress is often caused by seeing what needs to be done and seeing what is not done. So to close this gap, some of us become perfectionists. We become high-stress because of a need to make things perfect, even when we know it’s killing us.

Then stress becomes a means to conform reality to our desire, as if stress will somehow bend things into shape. While there is such thing as “good stress” (called eustress in psychology), most likely we feel distress. There might be a death-grip for control that you’ll need to let go of each day.

Let’s accept some imperfection. It’s absolutely right to strive for your best, but we’re called to trust God with the results. When I let go of expecting perfect results, that actually cuts most of my anxiety immediately. It also allows me to love people for who they are instead of how I’m trying to mold them.

I had to remember too that all the results are always in God’s control. Not were, not will be, not can be, but are. On one hand that’s a little maddening, but on the other hand – I can relax.

I can stop trying to squeeze everything into my will. I can let go of stressing myself into a twitchy neurotic mess. I can repent from the hostility of being so controlling. If God is in control – and He is – then I don’t have to be. Since He’s good and all-knowing and He loves me, then when things go bad, He’s still good, and He will work it out for my good. It does not mean I won’t be stressed, but it does mean that no matter how stressed I am, He’s still in control.

I’ll throw you a prayer. Love you, my friend, and so does He.

— J.S.

This helps explain, plan and show how to deal with stress =)

Unka Glen: When dating is the icing on the cake

unkaglen:

Anonymous asked: Hi Unka Glen! Thank you for keeping it real in discipling us and helping the virtual flock navigate the Lord’s word; you are a pretty rad shepherd. I have been living a life away from God for a few years and have recently come back to Him. While it’s a slow process rebuilding a relationship with the Lord, I recognize the importance of a strong foundation in Him. How will I know when I am at the point where I am ready to begin a God-approved relationship?

Unka Glen answered: Thanks, I feel like a pretty rad shepherd :)  …Anyway you’re on the right track here, Being ready to start dating in a Christian context is about having a strong foundation in Christ. Sure, if you have any obvious dysfunction, addiction, or major insecurity, then you’ll want to deal with that, as you would in any other relationship.

The main thing is arriving at a sense of completeness. You are complete in God. You need nothing and no one else. In God “we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:28). You have been united with Christ, you are one with Him. he supplies your needs. You are complete.

You were searching your whole life for something to make you feel whole, and everything else fell painfully short. Human beings, imperfect as they are, could never fulfill you in this way. God created you with a purpose in mind, and as you fulfill that purpose, you find a meaning not possible in any other relationship.

Once you reach this state, you don’t need someone to be the “wind beneath your wings”, you don’t need them to “complete you”, you are already complete, and in fact, you don’t need this dating relationship at all. And that’s when the person you’re with realizes that this isn’t about need, it’s about want.

It’s about desire and passion and love, not co-dependency, or using each other to meet a need. When you know you are complete in Christ and your life is built around Him, you don’t have to be afraid of loving someone else, and being vulnerable to them, because they can’t shake you to the core. They’ll never be the relationship your life is built around. 

When you know you are complete in Christ, romantic relationships become the icing on the cake. They’re something above and beyond.

YESH!

Rebloging for myself and those of you out there.

J.S. Park: Question: Confronting Your Parents

jspark3000:

Anonymous asked:

I’m suicidal and I need help, I realize that. But my mom verbally abuses me and my dad just ignores what’s happening. Also, I don’t have any friends I can trust. Anyway, my family can’t afford counseling, so how do I tell my parents, respectfully, that they are kind of ruining me and to please stop? I’ve prayed that God fixes my family and to give me strength to stand up to them, but nothing has happened yet /:

Thanks for being honest here and I’m really sorry about what’s happening. I’m glad you recognize your need for help; most people don’t.

The hard thing is: you’ll eventually need to have the huge direct conversation with your parents about how you feel. It’s going to take some messy dramatic arguments to move forward, and there’s really no way around it. The longer you delay, the more you’ll bottle up resentment, which will keep hurting you.

I’m often asked “what it looks like” to have this conversation with family, as if there’s some clean ideal method with a neat bowtie resolution.  That only happens on sitcoms.  It’s actually going to look like: snot, tears, slammed doors, ugly cry-face, and horrible hurting words. 

While it’s possible that you could have a very nice chat with no meltdowns, it will most likely be the opposite. I wouldn’t expect this is going to look pretty, structured, or done with a three-point formula.  Anyone looking through your window on a family argument will likely think you’re all insane. It doesn’t matter how mature you’ve become – family has a way of turning you into a crazy banshee.

Please let me tell you what not to do. When I look back, I did tons of stupid things to show my parents how I really felt. When I was sixteen, I literally ran away from home: I packed a backpack in the middle of the night and walked ten hours on the interstate to a friend’s house.  I specifically did it to hurt my parents.

What I didn’t realize until later is that I was being a coward.  I was “acting out” in spontaneous rebellion instead of having a real conversation with them. I really should’ve just twisted my parents’ arms to sit down with me and listen.  Even after I made all these dramatic gestures, I still had to talk with my parents anyway.

In the end, you’ll have to initiate conversation with persistence. 

You just have to talk to them, even if it will turn your house upside-down.

Certainly you already know that you’re supposed to speak in a “loving tone” and to be gracious and humble and respectful.  You’re smart enough to know not to raise your voice or call names or interrupt.  But sometimes parents don’t recognize that.  It doesn’t mean they’re bad; it just means that “Christianese” won’t always cut it. And in the end, even a discussion that begins so rationally can always explode in an instant.

Your parents do recognize a mature loving attitude, but they will ultimately respond to conviction and courage over a long period of time. 

It takes courage to tell your parents that they could be doing a better job for you.  It takes courage to say, “This is not okay.”  Eventually they will have to hear you out and find a better way to do things.  Even if not, then at least you tried: and you still need to be able to speak up for yourself for the rest of your life.

You might not be the most straightforward person and I understand the fear of speaking up, but with family: you can’t really hold back on the truth. You can’t leave words unsaid.  Show them you mean business and you refuse to move on until they listen. 

The fear says they might not listen or you’ll be humiliated or rejected — and maybe this is true for today.  But day after day, this is why you must keep trying.  Push through the fear.  Even halfway good parents will recognize persistence. 

You might be with them at dinner or on a weekend or on a car ride. When you do talk with them, they might push you away. That’s part of the process: keep trying.

They might cry in self-pity and blame themselves and go into victim-mode, but that’s part of the process: keep trying.

They might blow up and throw things or say you’re wrong and call you ungrateful, but that’s part of the process: keep trying.

God and time itself will do their work.  There might be weeks where you feel terrible — but keep trying.  It’s better than holding it in.

I’m not sure if your family is Christian or not, but I’ve found that having a Christian family is no guarantee of good communication, and vice versa. I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, so when it came time to announce I was going to be a pastor, it was another painful conversation.  But unless they’re always physically abusing you or actively opposed to your faith, then they will hear you out. You still need to just talk to them.

I know plenty of Christians who have to “disobey” their parents in a godly way, and I completely understand that – but there will be TONS of things that your parents agree with or disagree with, whether they are Christian or not. You still need to just talk to them.

That’s what it takes. Slobbery, snot-filled, red-eyed, ugly-faced conversation. 

I’ll throw you a prayer, and please feel free to message me any time.

— J.S.

those dang messy moments. humans are messy creatures.

FROM LEE IN TENNESSEE: Q&A... Isn't It Good To Have A Little Guilt?

leeyounger:

Anonymous asked:

I just saw your post about shame and guilt. I am honestly confused and I do want to understand. (I’m kind of a new Christian) I always thought that a little guilt was good, because how else will you know what you did was wrong? What’s to stop you from doing it again if you never feel bad about it?

..

So I Said:

(here’s that original post if you want to check it out)

Thank you so much for writing your question in. It’s such an important thing to be clear about and I’m glad you had the guts to throw it out there. Tons of people are confused about this very thing. We have the sneaking suspicion we should feel bad about ourselves and our sin, but who’s to say how much, and how do we know if we’ve taken that far enough? 

The thing is, it’s not your fault that you’re confused about guilt. Church leaders sometimes put people under guilt because they think it’s the only way to motivate people to change. As you’re saying, “How are we going to change if we don’t know what’s wrong and then feel bad enough about those wrong things?”

There are two huge problems with this line of thinking. The first is the idea that we won’t know wrong stuff until a pastor tells us what’s wrong. None of us really needs to be pointing out what is wrong. Jesus said the Holy Spirit convicts the world of sin. We know the stuff we’re doing is wrong. We all do. Trust me. Even folks that say they don’t, really do. When was the last time you heard someone say, “Oh, you mean stealing money from my granny to buy crack is wrong? Gotcha! Oh man, well then I’ll never do it again! I just thought it was totally fine. That’s the reason I was doing it.” As a person grows in the Lord, He shows them where they need to grow and He goes about that process at His own speed with His own priorities. 

The second problem is the idea that feeling bad about something is the thing that gets you to change. That sounds like a good idea until you think about it for three seconds. Has that ever worked? Is that what Jesus wants from you? If He did, wouldn’t He just split the sky, give everyone a very disappointed look until we all felt sufficiently ashamed, which would then lead to holiness? No, unfortunately that’s not how people change. You see, I work with inmates in my local county jail and they all feel terrible about the stuff they’ve done. They can max guilt all the way out, but it never changes anything. It turns out that feeling bad about doing something wrong doesn’t help you to stop doing it. That has never worked in the history of the world, ever. 

That’s why Jesus paid for all our sin. He died to pay the penalty we owed. He personally bore all the guilt and shame so that we could get out from underneath it. You see, it turns out that the only way people really change is by the power of God inside them. First, people have to be rescued by Jesus and then they fall in love with Him, and that is where change begins. Jesus said, “Whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be judged.” — Wow. Jesus will never condemn or judge me. He doesn’t want me to feel terrible about myself! If Jesus isn’t going to judge me or make me feel guilty, why should I let anyone else?

Hebrews 10:22 says, “Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience.”

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love for God is a pretty good motivator =)